This one is hard for me. Knowing that I should leave you and never turn back and I still find myself turning back with every step I take.
I deceive myself with all the reasons why I turn back – I want to catch a last glimpse of you; I want to take the last piece of me I left behind; I want to see what you look like from a distance… I just don’t want to leave.
I need to leave; I know I need to but something keeps drawing me back to you. Something I cannot seem to control.
I used to pride myself in the fact that I had my switch button intact and I could switch memories off and on as fast as I wanted to. But yours is different.
Yours is a memory I do not want to forget.
When I was not looking for a friend, you gave me the hand. When I was sure I had a companion, you gave me a more comfortable shoulder. And when my head was filled with all my thoughts, you shared yours with me as a relief for my jampacked mind.
Oh, but this bird must fly. She must be allowed to gain her freedom. She must be free to see the world for what it really is and not what I tell her it is.
How lonely my life has become!
I took the steps you advised me to take. I read the book you always gushed about. And I am about to take that turn I have always been scared to take.
Oh, the turn.
When I finally came to the realization that I needed to take the turn, it did not break me like I thought it would. It was soothing instead.
And I picked up my phone at 3AM to tell you all about it but there was no one on the other side of the call.
I’ll take the turn anyway.
I’ll allow your fly anyway.
I’ll get over the thought that you might meet a more beautiful soul than mine.
I’ll dread the day ill see you again. I hope it is sooner but I expect it to be later.
Later when I am stronger.
Later when watching you leave won’t hurt me anymore.
Later when each step I take away from you doesn’t leave my head screaming, RUN BACK!
I MISS YOU.