Today, I got a call from this guy who used to really like me back in the University.
You see, in Uni, I always knew that he liked me but for reasons unknown to me, he never got around to tell me how he truly felt about me.
Back in the day, he would visit me in my hostel almost every day and we will spend time gisting about every other thing but how he felt about me. This cycle continued until I moved out of that hostel and lost touch with him.
Fast forward 5 years later, this brother calls me out of the blue. He said he had found out that I was now a blogger and I was, at the time, blogging about a topic that interested him; so, he reached out to me, to get exclusive scoop on the topic before I blogged it.
This was the trend of event until one day, when he told me how much he used to fancy me in University. As he spoke, I was amazed at how much the brother remembered. He reminded me of the nicknames I called him then; how I would go on and on gisting and he would not want to leave my room; he said that at every point when he was about to pour his heart to me, I would unconsciously discourage him with ‘God knows what I used to say then.’.
Well, in as much as hearing this was pleasant to my ears; I had a boyfriend and could not condone conversations like this because I was not looking for another partner. So, I expressed my stand and we kept our conversations on surface level.
This, however, did not deter him as he still called me regularly – at least once every week – and we would talk at length about life and business, until today.
Bear in mind that some weeks before today, my relationship had almost hit the rock and I was in a bad place emotionally. Now his call,
“Omy, you sound very different today. What’s really up? You can tell me, you know?.”, he said, mid-way into our conversation.
“The truth is that I just broke up with my boyfriend.” I responded.
“What?! That cannot be true? What happened?” He replied.
“I cannot really say, distance was a major factor and we seemed to have been growing apart. Conversations were no longer as it used to be and some other things.” I responded.
“I can tell you what really led to the break up” Brother replied.
Now this got me. I mean, how can someone who had not seen me in years and seldomly spoke to me; tell me, with this much confidence, what must have caused the issue with my relationship.
I was curious to know what he had to say, so I encouraged him to speak on.
The brother first blamed it on distance and then, how I had gotten too serious with life. He went on to stress how annoying must ladies can be, when they do not talk about sex with their partners and male friends. He said that it is no news that a lot of ladies are not virgins but when they have conversations with guys, ladies are never open about their sex life.
He then asked me,
“When last did you have sex?” … When he saw that I was not giving him any answer, he added, “I think you should just go out there and have some fun.”
By fun, he meant, have sex with the next guy that comes my way. When I expressed how going out to have aimless fun was not what I was about or looking for at this age and time in my life; Oh, the brother went on…
He told me, that even though I found our recent conversations interesting; they were boring to him. That it was okay to talk about life and what was going on in the world but what he really wanted to talk about was sex – What position I like to have it; what blows my mind about it and when next I would want to have sex.
I was amazed at the conversation but entering into the minds of others has always been a thing that I enjoyed so I indulged him even further.
He then asked me what I loved to do for fun; and I said, go to the beach and the cinema.
“Is that all?”, he replied.
“Yeah. Should there be more?” I responded.
“Well, going to the beach is a cool thing to do and will surely end up with you having sex with the guy, right?” He shot.
“What do you like to do for fun?” I asked him instead.
“Chill. I like to chill with the babe in a hotel room, get high and straff.”
This was the point when I knew that this brother had no place in my life, neither as a friend nor as an acquaintance. And so, I did the very thing every lady would do when they need you to get the hell out. I said,
“My Mum is calling me, let me get to her, I will call you back.” And I ended the call and never picked his call again.
Now the amazing thing about this story is how much pressure some humans can put on you. There I was thinking that peer pressure only happened to us in our teens and early 20’s and this guy comes to slap me back to reality.
So, in University, while I was still finding who I was and the values I wanted to live by; I am sure I made some wrong decisions and some very smart ones. Now, I cannot remember at what phase of my life this brother met me; but he had no right to come back to my life and fault me for making the changes I have made in my life.
You see, I think as ladies and even men, we need to get to the point where we leave our past in the past. We need to know what really matters to us and own it with our heads up high.
I mean, if I were weaker or not sure of my value and stand in life, I would have gone on having sex with every random guy I met because, some brother came into my life from God knows where, to impose his views on me.
To even think that he said that ‘my building my own business will always leave me really tired and when I get to see my boyfriend; I will not have the strength to have sex with him’, is outrageous.
What in the world is that?! When did fornication become such a norm, that if you are not doing it every day, you surely have a problem?
Oh, but I cut this brother off and out of my life for good.
Now, to every lady out there, confused about your sexual or relationship life, what I will say to you is,
Develop your values for yourself and know WHY you chose these values. When you get your values, not everybody will agree with it and that fine because you are not looking for everybody; especially with the opposite sex, you are looking for ‘the one’.
I mean, even Jesus, that on every normal circumstance should have been loved by everyone, was hated by many.
What should be important to us is to, at the very beginning, when we meet these brothers, listen carefully to what they have to say and see if it aligns with our values and vision.
If it does, take the conversation further. But if it does not, cut him off your life before it is too late and you are too deep with him that you no longer recognize yourself again. Because, if he eventually leaves you; you will be left all alone to pick up another person’s mess.
No one should pressure you to do what you do not want to do. And do not worry, we are all cool around the right people. Selah
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